parenting tip of the day: let them be.

Let them be....themselves, kids, anything they want to be. Too often we as parents/caregivers think we need to provide kids with everything they need to get their imaginations going. We need to intiate the game, we need to tell them what to do and when. I remember as a kid being told what colour to colour my drawing. My own drawing!! um...shouldn't that be up to me to decide? It takes way too much away from our little ones and causes way more harm than good, when we take all decision making control away from them.

I have 4 different ages , all under the same roof. This sometimes is amazingly sweet, they can be the best of friends...but they can also be the worst of enemies over something so simple as a missing lego piece that someone accuses another of stealing...until he finds it under his pillow. (oh how I love those moments....)

So as I sit here typing this, I'm watching Manning playing playdoh at the table (we made a massive batch last week, I've given up using store bought since he loves it so much but mashes it all together and leaves it to dry out most of the time ) , Madison and Mason are sitting in front of Mia {who has been sitting on her own for the last 30mins without so much of a teeter!} reading to her. But they're not reading to her together...they're now fighting for her attention. " Mia...Mia...look at me. read my book. don't look at her Mia, look at me Mia....Mia....MIA!!"  But instead of me jumping in there and instructing them what to do here, I am watching them and coaching - a little bit. I asked them to take turns reading Mia's favourite book and to show her different toys, seperately. While this doesn't always work- it's working for now and Mia is loving all the attention she's getting from her brother and sister. Their desire to be her centre of attention will come in handy this week, when Mia perfects the skill of crawling! She's so close- I will position the kids on the floor and have her crawl to them !

So- let your kids be themselves. Unless someone is bleeding, being bullied, tormented , or treated extremely unfairly- don't step in. Give them the tools to work it out- give them the language they are looking for, teach them how to handle certain situations not by removing them from the situation, but by directing {or re-directing} on what to do in such situation. You'll find me often asking questions when the kids start fighting. " How did you feel when your friend so-and-so left you out of the game last week? How do you think your sister/brother is feeling right now?" . I even give them tools for independant re-direction. If they're fighting over books or toys or whatnot, I give them the opportunity to make a choice to do something else. "If he/she doesn't want to share that book, why not look at this book? Here are some other books you can choose from, or you can just wait until that book is available".