Sandy Hook #1

First of all, here are the names of the souls that were lost on Friday. I think it's important that we know their names, and remember their names instead of focussing on the hurt. Lets start with names and ages:

Names and ages of the 26 people gunned down at a Connecticut elementary school Friday in the second-deadliest school shooting in U.S. history:
Charlotte Bacon, 6
Daniel Barden, 7
Rachel Davino, 29
Olivia Engel, 6
Josephine Gay, 7
Ana Marquez-Greene, 6
Dylan Hockley, 6
Dawn Hochsprung, 47
Madeleine Hsu, 6
Catherine Hubbard, 6
Chase Kowalski, 7
Jesse Lewis, 6
James Mattioli, 6
Grace McDonnell, 7
Anne Marie Murphy, 52
Emilie Parker, 6
Jack Pinto, 6
Noah Pozner, 6
Caroline Previdi, 6
Jessica Rekos, 6
Avielle Richman, 6
Lauren Rousseau, 30
Mary Sherlach, 56
Victoria Soto,27
Benjamin Wheeler, 6
Allison Wyatt, 6

Source: Connecticut State Police

Here's a photo of some of the beautiful faces

 

I am working on my response. Stay tuned.

I'm trying to publish my next post.

I'm currently trying to write my next post. It's hard for me to write, it's bringing tears to my eyes and pain in my soul. Not just my heart- it's deep down in my soul. I'm trying to write a response to all of the tragedy at Sandy Hook this past Friday. I think before I publish my response, I will start with publishing the names of all of the victims and some of the pictures of their beautiful faces. I want their families to know that we're praying for them all over the world, and that their beautiful children will never be forgotten. We need to sensationalize the victims, lets talk about their lives, lets talk about their favourite things, lets show some of their artwork , lets publish some of their hand written journal entries- lets celebrate their youth. Lets not focus on the shooter - he doesn't deserve my attention , or yours. Instead lets focus on the souls that were lost, and the problems there are in the world surrounding mental health. Lets focus on how to fix that. Lets focus on how to help.

it's all those little things...

that matter.

All those little breaths, all those little hiccups, all those little pitter patters. Those are what matter, those are my big picture, those are the things that keep me going when life around me gets hectic. I was perusing through photos last night, for a special Christmas project I'm working on {...well....have intentions of working on...soon. haha} and I saw my pregnancy photos from all 4 of my babies. My belly measuring shots, baby shower, birth , etc. All those photos bring back such vivid , wonderful memories- I loved every second of being pregnant. I loved feeling those first flutters and wondering if I'm just gassy from something I ate or if it was the baby kicking. As those kicks got stronger and the feet would lodge in my ribs..although it was painful, I still held every moment dear to my heart.

I look at all of those photos, from Mason and then Madison, followed by Manning and Mia. All their first breaths, their first visits home, etc. All different in many ways but very similar. I couldn't get over how much personality my babies all had at very early ages- such joy and happiness and character! I couldn't help but smile....and I felt a tear run down my cheek as my heart started beating so hard it wanted to jump out of my chest. It was then, that it dawned on me- my heart walks around outside my body everyday...in 4 beautiful little creatures I so proudly call my own. They are my heart and my soul, they are my best friends {or B.F.Fs as they call it } "forever and ever and ever ".

Mia is sick right now with a nasty little head cold- she thinks this gives her freedom to stay up way past her bed time! At first I dreaded her late night wake ups and bursts of energy..but here I sit, while she sings and dances in my lap, just laughing. She's having a phone conversation with herself and thinking she is the funniest person on the planet. Although she isn't talking yet, my heart melted when I looked her in her adorable blue eyes and said " I love you". She gazed right back into my eyes and leaned in and planted a kiss on my lips, three times in a row. If that's not love....I don't know what is.

Merry Freaking Christmas.

To all the Martha's out there, I'm clapping my hands for you. You know you who are- the mums who are on Pinterest every waking moment creating albums. Not only are you creating the albums, but you're completing the projects, and you're completing them well. You have special little cards for every morning of December leading up to Christmas, you have a easy grab craft for your kid to do every day after school, you have your kids lunch cut into themed shapes every day- you shape your pasta on the plate like a freaking Christmas tree. Well, here I am clapping my hands in your honour. No.....no that's not right, I am raising my glass of wine to you- congrats to you.

I'm kind of joking, kind of not. I love Pinterest, I browse it all the time and compile my little "Pins" and boards. I have made things I've seen on Pinterest, and I've posted some of my own creations on there. But this month, December, I feel like a creative failure. I'm so busy with everythign this month, that my kids advent calendar has only been filled 3 times. I don't have a themed craft for them to do everyday. I haven't made any Christmas tree shaped lunches and I haven't wrapped a new book for them to open every day.

How about you mums who have an Elf on the Shelf? This phenomenon is insane! My facebook page is littered with mischievous little Elf with various names. He gets into so much trouble- and where do a lot of these parents find the ideas? Pinterest. I had every intention of getting an Elf this year, but they sold out FAST. I thought about ordering online... but then I thought, I would probably forget to move him and then the concept would be lost. We have Santa on speed dial here, and when the kids misbehave- I call him to make sure he was watching. Works like a charm, they're terrified...it's hard not to laugh. The Toothfairy is also on speed dial, as is the Easter Bunny.

How on earth do you have time to keep the creativity going in your house? A lot of the people I know with an Elf, work full time and have 2-3 kids of their own. I absolutely love that you're doing that for your kids, and keeping it exciting. I feel like a failure in the mum department that I'm not doing all these cute little festive things that have swept the world, it seems. Am I crazy? I see people's elves wrapping their Christmas tree in toilet paper- and I think "what a waste of t.p!! that's money down the drain!" ...... he made a mess of cheerios all over the floor? "why would you waste that cereal like that?!" ...I'm just not built for the torture, I guess that's what being married to an accountant does to you ;-) {did you know that toilet paper isn't really on sale unless you're paying less than 21 cents a roll? ........he actually does the math in his head before putting the package in the cart}.

So to all of you creative parents out there, or caregivers- I tip my figurative hat to you, and raise my glass of eggnog. I'm glad people like you exist....but I hate you all the same. ;-)

Merry Freaking Christmas.

My kids are so bossy!

I love it when I have something of my own and 'hide' it, in my pocket, my purse, my closet- wherever. The point is...I have hidden it making it- OFF LIMITS. My kids however, think the opposite.

They know that I sometimes stash things- usually treats- once in a while so they hunt them out. They're like sniffer dogs searching for drugs. They can smell something sweet on your breath, they can smell a cookie on your hands and they can notice the teensiest, tiniest crumb and ask where it came from.

my favourite tip I get from Madison dearest, when she finds something {....by opening, digging, emptying my purse} and I say "hey! get outta there, that's just for mummy!" she loves to respond with " well, you shouldn't have put them in there". No...Madison would rather I put them in HER bag or better yet, her mouth.

Thanks tips....thanks.

So apparently, I totally suck.

You know my whole goal of writing my blog every single day? ya...well, as you've all noticed- I blew that one.

So the holiday season is among us. Yes, it's just November..{oh and Happy Birthday to my little man, he just turned 3yrs old yesterday! :) - I need to post 2 birth stories to even out the score..they'll come within the next few days I think}, but my Christmas tree is already up and decorated, my house is full of pointsettias {which...I actually can't stand cause they die so damned easily- and are one extra thing for me to take care of...wait no....3 extra things for me to take care of!} my wreaths are up, the Christmas music plays in the background all day long...you get the picture. You would think though, walking into my Christmas wonderland, that I'm done or even....close to being done, my Christmas shopping. WRONG. I have one gift, because I won it in a raffle. That's it. I love online shopping- I hate going into stores now, because I have 4 busy kids and by the time hubby gets home for me to shop in the eve, I'm too damned tired and don't want to be at the mall until closing. I also love online because I can shop on sites like www.etsy.com and find totally unique gifts made by artisans making a living from home. I love supporting small business owners, and crafters. Last year I got some great stuff from Australia, U.SA, and Canada. Only problem was....that it took forever to get here so I had to give some gifts AFTER Christmas.

So I'm on the hunt for some amazing and unique gifts for my whole family. We follow the: Something to read, something you need, something you wear, and something you want. Santa brings one big gift per kiddo and fills a stocking with wonderful things like new toothbrushes, new undies, new socks,etc. Isn't he generous. ;-)

I will post here when I find some great things, maybe help everyone else find some creative inspiration.

Ho,Ho,Ho!!

October is ....

Infant loss and awareness month. Sadly I know too many families who are reminded of this, every single year as they miss that pitter patter that *should* have filled their lives at some point of another.

October is a month where we share stories, learn about new stories, and just...remember. Remember the lives that touched us so briefly- whether they were born asleep, or not born at all- even those who were born awake but taken far too soon. I have been indirectly touched by so many angels , their stories, the excitement in their announcements and ultrasounds, only to be followed by my soaked shoulder when their mama was told their fate. It's not a nice club to be a part of for those families, but I'm sure they appreciate knowing, they are not alone. Nobody is ever alone in this life, we are all in this together.

So here are a few beautiful quotes I found to commemmorate October's Infant loss and awareness month.

“No one can know how much I love you, because you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.”   - author unknown.

 ‎”For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” -Psalm 139: 13-16

”A person’s a person, no matter how small.” -Dr Seuss

“Some say you’re too painful to remember. I say you’re too precious to forget.” -author unknown

“An angel, in the Book of Life, wrote down my baby’s birth. Then whispered as he closed the book, Too beautiful for Earth.” -author unknown

“How very quietly you tiptoed into our world, silently, only a moment you stayed. But what an imprint your footprints have left upon our hearts.’” -Unknown

“Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS,
but she IS NOT, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.” -author unkown

 

To everyone, everywhere- if you are reminded this month of a little bean that never came to be, that went to Heaven too soon- I am sending you a big virtual hug. You can lean on me, and weap, we can laugh, we can drink a glass of wine. I send my love to each and every one of you today and always as you cope, struggle, surpress. My heart is for you. <3  Em xoxox.